Wednesday, December 30, 2009

آرزوی دی ماه يا دسامبر يا محرم يا نمي دونم

دي ماه شده و من آخرين تاريخي که بادم مياد از تاريخ عزيز، شانزده آذر ماهه که اونم به برکت بقيه ست. يه تاريخ ديگه هم تازه فهميدم اما تاريخ عزيز نيست و اونم دهم محرمه که دو روز پيش بود. تاريخ من گم شده اينجا. امروز سي ام دسامبره که تا قبل از اين باهاش خو نداشتم.

 Once upon a December…
Dancing bears
Painted wings
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
once upon a december

Someone holds me safe and warm,
horses prance through a silver storm,
Figures dancing gracefully,
across my memory,


اولين خاطره با دسامبر همين شعر بود تا جايي که يادم مياد...
فعلا که منو با خودش ميبره، نميدونم کجا کاش زمامش دست خودم بود. چند تا چيز بگم. امروز اوني که سي ساله اينجاست بهم زنگيد دوباره و تاکيد به اينکه اگه چيزي لازم داشتم تعارف نکنم. اين البته نشونه لطف تواِه عزيز. هميشه موفق باشي. چيز بعدي اينه که الان چند روزيه که دلم واسه يه حس قديمي تنگ شده. اگه مي شد منم ميتونستم تو خاطراتم ولو بشم و دوباره بعضي روزها رو از نزديک تماشا کنم حتما شاخه ي درخت زيتون برام خيلي عزيزتز از اون چيزي ميشد که الان هست. حتما مي تونستم يع معني خوب به بودنم بدم. چيز بعدي اينه که من الان مدتيه خيلي گنگ شدم، اوني که هميشه همرام بود يه مدتي هست که بازيگوشه و پرسه مي زنه و گاهي فراموشم ميشه چرا اين طور شد که چرا من و چرا اينجا... و اين اصلا خوب نيست. چيز بعدي اي نيست. همه چي آرومه و من با آرامش سنخيتي ندارم. حتما تو خواستي بهم ثابت کني که اين که هميشه دنبالش بودي اونجوريا هم که فکر مي کردي نيست. اوني که ذاتش قرمزه با آرامش آبي کاري نداره. شايد هم اشتباه ميکنه، من منطورم آبي شدن نبود. اگه اونم يه مدت زيادي به وسط قرمزي من خيره بشه ميفمه که منطورم چيه. من منطورم از آرامش همون حسيه که دلم چند روزه خيلي واسش تنگ شده و اون هم قرمز بود.
پرت و پلا بسه. براي خودم و تو آرزو دارم به آرامش برسيم. آرزو کردن هم قديما خيلي لذت بخش بود. قديما که بچه بوديم...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Curiosity

Well, this is gonna be about the cat whose curiosity has been diminished in time and once he found there only has remained one string of his point catching nose hairs and it was today...
I was writing something, noticed the calibri typeface of the MS WORD is being the default font of the document! after two years of having this Vista on my notebook how come I just realized it today! went after it and found that the Times typeface with all those boring serifs is no longer the default font of MS Word! that was really amazing and I also found that I liked this Calibri font for  two years that I didn't even noticed that where it has come from..
back to the main point, it's a shame for a cat who loses his curiosity. I even remember very detailed probes of my very young ages into very unimportant cases in which I could know what's going on around me, and now it seems that involving into things. being obsessed with so-called important things and not to be like a naughty child is not that tasty for me at least. damn it Gishar. damn it, come on and put some string there to enjoy the being. good luck

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Psyche talking to me

improvising in writing is what I'm doing at the moment. life is nothing comparing to the real life I thought it must be. this is my feeling leaking out of the damn mind sometimes leading me to a stage in which I don't like to be in society. success is not what I'm thinking it should be. it's far away from the leakage of the damn mind and it should be understood.
wings of desire, take me to the far away land without steel, without society, without customs, with the sky is blue and the land is not cemented, with the field is green and the birds singing red always. this is a feeling of vomit. periodic feeling of being inside the self. caves have always been a shelter having this feeling. by the way, I defined the success in an alternate way boarded on the wings of desire. this reminds me of scorpions winds of change. that sometimes take me to the magic of the moment, where the children of tomorrow dream away. yep that is another definition of heading forward or you say success or I say going far.
happy of being not like one trapped on the bed, injections on their veins, solitary abroad. happy of not being deep down beneath the majority of the damn society. happy of having ones who care for you. happy of being helpful sometimes. happy of doing good overall based on a self-defined criteria of good n evil. that also can be beneficial. happy not dejected. happy of having courage to do something they can't. happy not upset. yeah that's improvising I used to do when I was younger.. take it as granted my friend. take it it's yours.
cherish for the blue dot on which you got the yang.

Regards
Psyche

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I See You


(I see you, I see you)

Walking through a dream, I see you
My light and darkness breathing hope of new life
Now I live through you and you through me, enchanted
I pray in my heart that this dream never ends

I see me through your eyes
Breathing new life, flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I live through your love

You teach me how to see all thats beautiful
My senses touch your world I never pictured
Now I give my hope to you, I surrender
http://lyricsmusicvideo.blogspot.com
I pray in my heart that this world never ends

I see me through your eyes
Breathing new life, flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life
I offer my love for you

And my heart was never open
And my spirit never free
To the world that you have shown me
But my eyes could not envision
All the colours of love and of life evermore,
Evermore

I see me through your eyes
Breathing new life, flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I live through your love
I live through your love

I see you
I see you

Monday, December 21, 2009

آواتار


دیشب آواتار رو دیدم تو سینما دس پرس سنت لوییز، تازه از نوع سه بعدی، فوق العاده بود معرکه بود. مدت ها بود یه فیلم توپس ندیده بودم، جنگل، روح، آرامش، عشق، جنگ برای آزادی، مدرنیزه، فضا، زمین، عشق، روح، عشق، تکنولوژی، آینده، لذت، عشق، انسان، جنگ، آزادی، شرف، آرامش ... چقدر این فیلم بهم چسبید با این همه جلوه ویژه و اکشن، اکشنی که فقط اکشن نبود...




ببینم باز هم میگی اگه چیزی هنوز تو این دنیا باشه که بتونه جاری ت کنه، اینجا جای خوبی نیست. بسه بودن؟ اگه هنوز بتونی خالی بشی یه جورایی بازم بسه بودن؟
اگه هنوز هم یه موزیکی باشه که بتونه متلاطمت کنه باز هم میگی زر مفت میزنی تو گوش من؟ برو کشکتو بساب که هنوز هم هستن کسایی یا چیزایی که بتونی گاهی بهشون فکر کنی


Saturday, December 19, 2009


There's somebody, I hate to write about but I'm forced to. Who did it? The psyche! Yeah it forced me write about an asshole! Indifference, awkwardness and hypocrisy are just the things I've found about this goof. Argh.. I even can't think of it. Life is disgusting enough dude, don't make it shittier please. And the most important thing is Get the hell out of my mind.

Results and Discussion
Happiness is the Best Revenge

Thursday, December 17, 2009

متاسفم برات

یه حس تنفر شدید... از تویی دارم که چاره ای جز تحملت ندارم. متاسفم که انقدر از قضیه پرتی، متاسفم که عالم دهری، متاسفم که هنوز طعم شیر مادرت زیر زبونته، متاسفم که هنوز خیلی راه مونده تا ب.ز.ر.گ بشی.
حیف که چاره ای جز تحملت ندارم.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Halo

پس اینطور، چون وقتی پاک بودی، وقتی بچه بودی، زندگی لذت بخش بود... وقتی پاک بودی

I'm listening to "Halo" of "Beyonce" and really enjoying it in such a time...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I missed my Red


It's so weird sometimes my red color get vague, into blue. all my life from the very childhood was red, dark o light red. I missed you so much. here so often you turn into grey. it even dare to talk to me even I rejct it. how's that possible, drowning into grey ppl. I missed you my all lovely red.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Not that bad, not to be good


Today wasn't that bad to say it wasn't good though it wasn't that good to say it wasn't bad! research was tasting like a ripen pear though it often testes like a rotten egg. I donno who says I should still poke my nose into these damn course works and all those bullshits, life still streaming, yet not started for me? that's not true for sure, it has long been commenced since I found how I can love a tree. that's the way I live here while being away from home and also there's something worthy to mention and it's cold out, but hold out and do like I do, babe.

slash. end of this note

Thursday, December 3, 2009

گاهی به آسمان نگاه کن

هیچی! فقط اینکه امروز روز بدی نبود. گهگاه خوشحال بودن یا در واقع شدن هم حال می ده. در نوع خودش می تونه بهت ثابت کنه که اونقدر ها هم که فکرشو بکنی سخت نیست، یا اینکه لازم نیست مثلا سختش کنی، بذار بره خود لعنتیش درست میشه. هیچی! همین، فقط اینکه امروز روز بدی نبود...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Trash diary

It's like a ghost roaming in the mind, grinding my pink cells, what the heck is this attitude I get sometime. and this trash bin has turned to be my pocket diary. actually it's not a diary! it's being a trash dump! I'm sorry for the technology, I'm being emptied here for so long times, do you know the garden of eden? I've never been there, but this disgusting attitude has always been there so far to now! being human sometime sucks, life sometime sucks, some time not.. sorry trash diary

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Sometimes

You know what? sometimes it's really weird this way. being here as an stranger, doing ur works and all those bullshits n still having some feeling terrible deep down inside. this being here. just this being here sometimes gets dreadful. I'm serious, It sometimes drive me crazy. I was talking to one of my friends Amin, regarding the fact, if I, typically me, if I had no family, no friend no one that care for me, I probably get rid of this fucking life. it sometime nonesence. I tatsed it. fine! I'm done but again it comes to the people I know, not I love, but they love me! they mind n they care where I am, what i do, how I do... that's the only point of being alive sometime. God, lovely lord, I'm sorry for bein so rude oftenly, but this is the way it is. show me something to stand on it. attention plz. I said sometimes...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Solitude

I feel like I'm in a relationship with solitude. it means that I'm single but not looking. well, that's a requirement of being a grad student in Missouri S&T. at least it sounds so for me!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Diwali

wooo is not just an expression of enjoy, it's also want to say somebody's surprised! lemme say something, you know how many cultures are there in India? how many religions, how many traditions .. how many Gods, how many people .., I remember once I was reading about Buddha and Buddhism and that was the point I ralaly got interested in Indian religions and beliefs .. found the Vishnu, Shiva and all those interesting stuff, however you may not be that much interested in all those but I AM.
Yesterday on Oct. 25 we went on a very old tradition called Diwali Festival performed by Indian Association in Missouri S&T. fantastic it was. I have always been waiting for such an occasion in which I could attend in these kinda events, there were all colors, great colors all those ones I'm in love from the very old times. Red, Orange, yellow and their combinations. I can't describe the event, it's just the way you should see yourself. different kinda dances, woooo great really enjoying performs .. I don't remember the dances but it was so coool all those symbols gestured by the faces and finger shapes and postures, wow I loved it ...

that was awesome...









Wednesday, October 21, 2009

مکث

من، اینجا نیستم. اولش نمی تونستم کاری کنم که بعد از من مکث کنی اما این کار و کردم. این چیز "،" بهترین چیزیه که میتونه گاهی اوقات آدما رو نجات بده.
مهم نیست اینجا فارسی بنویسی یا هر زبان مرده ی دیگه ای که دوس داری یا دوست نداری در هر صورت باید بتونی بدون اون چیز هم کاری کنی که بقیه بتونن بعد از تو لحظه ای مکث کنن. لپ مطلب همین بود.
من، اینجا هستم امشب

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Contrast

well, it's me writing as fast as I can cas I feel writing at this time. I need to put these on paper but there's no paper right now. I just felt something deep inside, better than before, I've never felt this feeling before. wow, I don't know what kinda feeling it is. plz somebody tell me if I'm wrong or what the hell is this. being far away from heaven into this heaven made me some typa different. indifferent sometime, made me obsolete made me sick, made me a guy who has lost something inside, regularly found that he needs to look after it. I mean something that should be here within but it's lost somewhere. sorry for being not so much clear. I know what I know, and that's the reason to write this way!
to be frank. I feel cool but I need my lost segment to be back on its place. well here's the point. what is that part of me which's lost now?! will be helped soon. contemplating was one my favorites that 's only turned into a very fade line in mind. through that I will find the part again. I will i promise. keep in touch psyche. get the ego to very far. follow me in the peaceful nebula...

Friday, October 9, 2009

Piss on town

Somebody tell me why it's this much raining. sounds the sky is totally a piss. I can't go I can't come. this damn adviser is pissing on me too. God you don't please.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Exhaust

I feel really tired. what the hell's happening here?!! i got my salary, wooo it's a lot of money dude, but that's not the point. when you just subtract the bills and univ tuition and so on you come to a point that only a few money's remained for you to live with!!! shittt. it couldn't be worst. so I'm going to live in a cool town, with cool friends, cool house, cool weather. with no money in pocket. damn it.
reminds me of the great song "I will survive".

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

gentle breeze

I felt a cool feeling just now, in Missouri S&T campus. it was totally nostalgic. gentle cold breeze aith thw arm sunshine on my face reminded me of my BS in Tabriz University of Iran. I felt lost in a dream right before my class. that was great. oh I miss those days. .. I will go there some day and feel it again for sure. I love my past.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sparkling dots


I saw them again! sparkling dots, closed my eyes while drops of water washing away my tiredness, pressure comes out and then the sparking dots all over me...
I just can't focus on them I don't know what they are... I look at them, they vanish at once. I just love them all and wait for them to come along.
Sparkling dots ..

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

To smoke or not to smoke!

I don't know how they smoke cigarettes like that! they smoke half of it and throw it away. Y! even with that expensive ones. I have a suggestion. once U buy it, smoke it to the very end stub or U don't ever buy it smoker.
I also should mention that this issue's going to be a very challenging one in my mind. I mean if I buy it or not because I already solved the previous problem. lol.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tired of being tired

Just came home after a very boring day's usual works. though I woke up late today, got lots of thing to do yet did some of 'em done! home works hopefully are done. tomorrows classes, meetings, etc. is waiting for me again.
God willing I'll be leader.
reminds me of that awful movie sunshine cleaning in which the girl says: "you are great, you are powerful, you are the leader". lol.
time to get up.