Wednesday, February 11, 2015


What do I want for my birthday? It is today, yes! Do I need a robe de chabmre? Do I need a pair of pants? What do I need? Maybe it's the need I have always followed to see what I want. Maybe that has not been the best approach toward what I want. I do not know. It has been years since the first time I wrote this post on my birthday and I remember I used to have another weblog in the older times and I used to write the same thing in there too. It never got old to me I know, and it's not old even today. I used to call my other weblog with the same name, though it was typed in Persian. I loved that antique and wish I never had deleted it.
What do I want for my birthday? I want some excitement I guess. Boredom is too boring nowadays. I try to get myself involved in many things and make my days as beneficial as possible, that, perhaps, many people wish they could do that. I enjoy it too but I am not sure whether they really are what I want. The need that I feel to have all these little so-called valuable stuff in my daily life is not what I want. Maybe that's just another way to fool myself that I am not bored and I am living a fantastic life full of learning and excitements.
Read books, do photography, learn software, learn how to's, read some more, watch TV shows, learn some more, and there are lots of stuff to learn that will never end. Prepare for exams, prepare for promotions, prepare for next levels. I am not sure if those are really what I want!! Maybe in ten years, given that I am still alive, I look back and tell myself, well, I wanted those things in those days and that's what I did. I am not sure if they are truly in the line of my wishes or no. The only thing I can say is that I enjoy them at this time and if this is a good reason enough to say they are what I want, so be it.
I know that I am not made for boredom, routine, and repetitive jobs. I guess that's why I filled my schedule with all these to-do's with different natures so that it makes me relieved from the so-called stability of daily job, not that I don't like my job. I love it but when it comes to repeating the same thing, I hardly can tolerate unless I am forced to do so. That's why even at work I try to season my job with learning or doing other specialty-related researches to peel the dumbness of the routine.
Today is my birthday and I think everyday is my birthday. If not every day, every week I should certainly have a birthday to celebrate otherwise boredom enslaves me and strangles me until I .. don't know!
I have been missing my family for so long. Maybe that's what I need and want for my birthday. Just another feeling I guess. Life has treated me well, though rough sometimes but well overall. I am thankful and confused. Maybe it's just wonder and adventure and excitement but I don't know. I just feel it could be it. I hope I do not die in confusion of what I wanted really.

p.s. the source of the picture

Monday, February 9, 2015

Bio 69

I need to sleep. It has been a long time since the last time I felt this way. The senses are almost always familiar but you don't have a name for them. Senses come and go like feelings and they are always hidden in there somewhere you are not aware of. Every once in a while as the reasons show up hideously  invisible you start to feel a specific way. That is when you need to sleep. Sleeping is actually deserting. A soldier who is supposed to fight but deserts the battle and all the comrades. No one is alone in this fight; those who forfeit, sleep. Some eat, some crack up, some sleep. I need to sleep as it gets closer to the capacity I am made for.