Thursday, October 13, 2011

Lost undisclosed religion

When you say.. Hey, you're gone but your memories still hanging around, still carving the shape of my feelings, and still you're here, and you say please me, show me how it's done, I want to reconcile the violence in your heart. Yes, of course you're totally right when you say "I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask..."I know you're right, not always though, and even I want to exorcise the demons from your past for the undisclosed desires in your heart.. it's all perfectly matching, all my words and yours, but this ship is just taking me far away, far away from the memories, and I will be chasing the starlight, until the end of my life. I don't know whether it's worth it anymore... a life in fear that the truth inside can't be hidden. Yeah it could be wrong, even more than wrong, but it should have been right, It always has been right everywhere. And I still think of the childhood memories, every once in a blue moon as you appear to me again! before my eyes, pictures appear from long ago but still so clear with skies of blue wind in my hair, wind through my fingers, wind every where,.. we shared a moment without a single care, well I still clearly remember the childhood memories.

Words fly out like endless rain into a paper cup saying: "have no fear, for when I'm alone, I'll be better off than I was before". Nothing is going to change my world, and all the empty spaces that used to be full of reasons to life, yes, long past those days but, you know, I've got this light and I'll be around to grow who I was before. With all the flaking make-ups and smiles, the mind's way out in the water though, swimming in the Caribbean, animals hiding behind the rocks except the little fish telling me: "everybody needs some time on their own, don't you know you need some time all alone? when your fears subside, you can still do it, when there's no one left to blame, you could still go beyond the horizon of the place you lived when you were young in a world of magnets and miracles when your thoughts strayed constantly and without boundaries", and I believed in the words of the little fish.

I was in the corner the whole time, trying to keep the seeds safe but the reality grasped everything. Oh beloved story, I thought I never cared for what they do or say, just a thought though, not a practice I guess, but believe it or not, couldn't be much more from the heart. It was the destiny showing as a division bell running before time taking our dreams away, leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground, to a life consumed by slow decay, the slip that brought us to our knees failed. And that was the first cut, and always the first cut is the deepest...

O my little sparkling passion, I know and I feel that life is bigger, bigger than you, I have lost my religion. Don't put yourself in the spotlight. Now I've said too much, but just one more thing: Time, reverse and rewind, erase and revise, and try to start again..

P.S. almost all of the words in this post are from some of my favorite song lyrics by: Muse, Muse, Muse, Elloy, Beatles, Eddie Vedder, Pixies, Guns N' Roses, Pink Floyd, R.E.M, Metallica, Rod Stewart, R.E.M
P.S. description of the image: Olive grove by Van Gogh
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