Vomit 17

So the New Year has arrived right? 2016! What a year it is going to be, full of ambitions, goals and crap. You know some people keep mocking everything, and I mean literally everything; although, it usually depends on their mood for throwing sarcastic comments. Such people, people like me, do stuff and turn back at themselves and make fun of themselves! You know it’s not only other people who are mocked, but the self too! It is strange to me how I plan for future and strain to stick to it, and accomplish little objectives, and so on, and finally I take a look at everything I did and I say you did a good job son, so what now?! At the end, I look at myself and feel happy about my achievements. Yet, there is something absurd about all this, which makes me uncomfortable. It is like I am making a machine out of myself and take pleasure in my automated performances toward manufacturing a product. Well, the product is joy but it’s somehow artificial, seasoned with a self-aggrandizing sense of victory. It’s hollow you know, it’s not what I want to feel, though it can help prevent developing a self-decaying sense.

So I tried to make it more organized through a more accountable plan which also includes the essentials of the primitive emotions in human nature. I mean un-materialistic objectives that are linked to other people. I am referring to those emotional feelings that are necessarily developed from acting as a social creature and not just pretending to be one. Therefore, to alleviate the pain felt by the unconscious mockery of my chores, take your time, pick up the phone, call your friends and family, talk to them and ask how they are feeling, how they are doing, is everyone alone in this world or some are lonelier than the other ones. Then, go out more often, watch the birds more often, listen to music more often, be with your wife, look at people instead of merely passing by them, do things that relieve you from your sardonic sense of humor. When you talk about all these and somehow feel like you have revised your plans, take a look at everything and see how mockingly bitter all this is. Even, this note, though a lonesome in the cyber world, is petite and wretched… goals and objectives are our crafts to escape from this pity we feel and amazingly, it works just fine...

First of January past. Fifth past too...